How much should we invest into each other?
Have you ever thought how much we should invest into our relationships – how much money, time, feelings, or soul?
Sure, when these relationships already exist, when we are committed – then, probably, the answer will be – the more the better! We’re in it for the ride, so we want the best possible car, right?
But what if the relationship is only in the beginning, and nobody can be sure – will it last or not? Can we count on the relationship to grow with this specific person? Can we count on it to grow into what we want? Then what?
I heard one lady at a party recently discussing how many times her boyfriend should take her out before he can count on certain “return on his investment.” So, let’s say – 4 or 5 dinners in a nice place, plus some flowers, and maybe a gift or two – and then we’ll see? Does it sound OK, girls? Not underselling ourselves?
What about her though? Is she an equal, active participant in this relationship dance or just a side observer, mentally adding up checks for dinners and prices of gifts in her mind? What is her investment in this budding relationship? She would probably say: “Wait a moment! What about my company, my time, my efforts, my looks after all?”
That’s right! How could we forget all that, blinded by all those green back signs! But then – what about his company, witty jokes, smart looks, and his time? You wouldn’t go out with a guy who doesn’t have all these, right? But on top of all that he must have something else – shall we call it a thick wallet or just a generous heart?
Let’s say, a guy is really loaded, but is not really willing to part with his money – oh, without knowing for sure there will be a return on his investment! Girls, he’s using his business sense with you, isn’t it great? He wouldn’t be all that wealthy if he didn’t invest wisely, right? It’s his second nature, so what’s to complain about?!
On the other hand, let’s say a guy is of moderate means, but doesn’t mind paying for you – he simply can’t afford taking you out to the best restaurants every week, but there is always a nice and simple place where you can spend a few fabulous fun hours, he can surprise you with a gift card, or even a paperback that you were discussing the last time. And time! Oh, yeah! He gives you his time and company very generously.
Which variant do you prefer? I guess it all depends on your priorities. I certainly prefer the second. In fact, generosity is the character trait that I mostly value in people, especially in men.
OK, let’s return to our lady. It sounds like she wants the combination of the first and the second type, a shampoo-and-conditioner in one bottle, so to say – a wealthy and generous guy. Moreover, she herself wants to stay an observer, investing mostly her time (but everybody has to eat after all, and it also takes time!), and looks (but isn’t she good-looking all day long? That is if she is good-looking to start with!). So, even if she is a real winner and meets Mr. Rich with a generous heart, how long will it take him to get tired of this situation?
Wait, wait, don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that she should pay with sex! That’s quite a different topic. What about investment of her inner self? Her mind and soul? And money too – why not? Haven’t we fought for equality for centuries? I’m sure, it wouldn’t break her bank to buy a couple of tickets for a movie or a local live theater for the two of them; to bring a picnic basket or to cook a dinner at her place for a change. I’m sure, a nice little gift would be very welcome too, showing her attention and interest.
And that, my friends, is the key issue here! If the guy likes the woman and feels her interest in him, if they both compete in little gift-giving, surprise-organizing, if every now and then each of them picks up a check and later picks up a kiss, - well, then I don’t worry about them. Money is a separate issue – but they are invested in their relationship, and it will grow.
If one is always calculating (How much have I spent on her? How much has he spent on me?) – then in the very best scenario they will accomplish a good enough business transaction. Like you give me X amount – and I’ll accompany you to your business retreat; you give me Z amount – and you can visit me 3 times a week, etc. If you consider yourself a thing – then you most definitely have a price!
The choice is yours, ladies and gentlemen! It’s just important that your partner is on the same page, and you are reading the same book.
